MARRIAGE EQUALITY
Below are some frequently asked questions about same-sex
marriage adapted from the South Carolina Eqaulity Coalition
website.
What is the Federal Marriage Amendment Act and Why Does
it Matter?
Why Marriage? Why Not Civil Unions Or Legal
Documents To Protect Rights?
Can’t You Already Get Married in Vermont,
Hawaii, San Francisco and Massachusetts? How about Canada?
Some Responses to Arguments Made Against
Same-Sex Marriage
Just Don’t Talk About It … why do you need
to TALK about it?
Should We Compare Our Struggle With The
Civil Rights Struggle of African Americans?
What is the Federal
Marriage Amendment Act and Why Does it Matter?
What Is It?
Marriage in the United States shall consist only of the
union of a man and a woman. Neither this Constitution
or the constitution of any state, nor state or federal
law, shall be construed to require that marital status
or the legal incident thereof be conferred upon unmarried
couples or groups. HJ
Resolution 56, The Federal Marriage Amendment, was
introduced by first-term Representative Marilyn
Musgrave of Colorado.
Current Status
As of February 23, 2004 it has 113 cosponsors (106 Republicans,
7 Democrats) in the House of Representatives. Senate
bill SJ Resolution 26, which was similarly worded, did
not receive enough support to move to a vote. President
Bush announced that as a way “to start the general election
campaign on a fresh issue,” he was endorsing the Federal
Marriage Amendment.
Why Does It Matter?
The crux of the issue is this: conservative Legislators
do not want the Constitution of the United States’ guarantee
of “equal protection under the law” to apply to GLBT people.
They want to change the Constitution of the United States
before we get to the Supreme Court because they’re afraid
(especially after the sodomy decision) that the Supreme
Court, which is bound to uphold the Constitution, might
rule in our favor.
Contrary to popular opinion, America has never been majority
ruled. We’re ruled by a Constitution to which all laws
are subject. Judges all have to swear to uphold the Constitution.
Since the language of the Constitution favors our full
equal rights, the race is on to change the Constitution
before we get there.
That is why there is a Federal Marriage Amendment.
There are 1,049 federal laws (read
the govenrment report) and hundreds of state laws
which come with the civil institution of marriage in the
United States. GLBT people currently lack the option
to marry afforded every other American citizen. These
laws translate into real economic and emotional realities.
Talking Points:
Over 1,049 federal laws discriminate against GLBT people.
These are but a few laws which are unavailable to same-sex
couples:
-
Health and retirement benefits (for partner and non-biological/adoptive
children)
- Medicare and Social Security
- Sick or bereavement leave
- Hospital visitation
- Medical decision authority
- Exemption on inheritance, gifts, shared health
benefits
- Right to sue for wrongful death of partner
- Pensions, workers’ compensation, death and
spousal benefits
- Access to courts in the event of divorce
- Ability to sponsor one’s partner for immigration
- Protection of one’s home (Medicaid spend-down
provision) if one partner has to go to a nursing home
- Lack of second parent adoptions in most states
- Right to non-biological/adoptive children in event
of biologic/adoptive parent’s death
- Right of children from our unions to have financial
support and a continued relationship in the even of separation
- Legitimate status of our relationships and our
children’s status of being a marital child.
·
The Constitution of the United States is a covenant entered
into between the government and the people of the United
States. Throughout American history, the Constitution
has only been amended to expand the rights and liberties
of all Americans: to abolish slavery, give women
and young people the right to vote. It’s incomprehensible
that this covenant should be broken to enshrine gay and
lesbian people as second class citizens.
·
Adopting this Constitutional amendment would take away
the power of the courts to protect individual rights.
Currently, the Constitution promises “equal protection
under the law” for all citizens. If this amendment
goes through, equal protection under the law will not
apply to gay and lesbian relationships. Who will
be next? Once you open up the “exception”
to the promise of “equal protection under the law”
– which has always protected America against leaders
like Hitler or Saddam, and always protected America against
excluding Jews, or Shiites, or African Americans, or women
from equal protection under the law – who will be
next?
·
The amendment not only denies marriage to GLBT people,
but it also specifically prohibits civil unions, domestic
benefits and partnerships, or any rights associated with
relationships between same-sex people, and offered to
all other Americans. President Bush, on February
24th announced that he supported the FMA (Federal Marriage
Amendment) but would consider Civil Unions as an option.
The PRESIDENT KNOWS THAT CIVIL UNIONS ARE NOT ALLOWED
IN THE LANGUAGE OF THE FEDERAL MARRIAGE AMENDMENT.
The “legal incident thereof” clause in the
Amendment has been arduously studied by both sides of
the argument and both sides agree, the FMA precludes Civil
Unions. The American people are deliberately being
misled.
Interestingly, February 23rd the religious right group
Alliance for Marriage (allianceformarriage.org) PROUDLY
displayed a grid explaining how the FMA would disallow
Civil Unions or any alternatives to it. February
24th, after the President spoke, that page has disappeared.
What hasn’t disappeared is that in the minds of
the best legal minds in the U.S., the FMA eliminates the
possibility of Civil Unions.
·
As the Massachusetts Supreme Court recently ruled, “Limiting
the protections, benefits, and obligations of civil marriage
to opposite-sex couples violates the basic premises of
individual liberty and equality under the law protected
by the Massachusetts [and United States] Constitution.”
·
Some say marriage is a 3,000 year old tradition.
Polygamy is actually much older, but even if it were true
that marriage is a 3,000 year old tradition, so was slavery,
the subjugation of women and banning interracial marriage
… just because it’s tradition, doesn’t
make it right.
·
Marriage is - and always has been - a wholly secular institution
in America since its inception. In S.C. even
Notary Publics can marry men and women. The states
authorize religious organizations to perform marriage
ceremonies … not vice versa.
·
Some religions currently won’t marry divorced people;
some won’t marry interfaith couples … religions
will still be able to set their own standards about whom
they will and won’t marry. This is a civil
matter – not a religious one.
·Many
– if not most – same-sex couples want to marry
for the same reasons opposite sex-couples do: to
have or raise children, to offer their relationships stability
and commitment, for emotional closeness and intimacy,
monogamy, and establishment of a framework for a long-term
relationship.
Why
Marriage? Why Not Civil Unions Or Legal Documents
To Protect Rights?
Why Not Civil Unions?
· Civil Unions (and domestic partnerships)
basically say that GLBT people are “separate but
equal.” As African Americans found out,
there is no such thing as “separate but equal”
… “separate is inherently unequal,”
to borrow words from the Supreme Court decision of Brown
v. the Board of Education.
“Separate but equal” didn’t work for
African Americans and it won’t work for GLBT Americans.
It doesn’t work because it violates the basic premise
of equality on which America is founded.
·
Be aware! The Federal Marriage Amendment language
not only prohibits marriage but also strikes down civil
unions and domestic partner registries. GLBT folks
didn’t push this all-or-nothing agenda (although
we might have), conservatives did.
Although GLBT people did not provoke this fight for our
Constitutional rights, now that it has been thrust upon
us, we must fight for marriage with all our might and
all our money … our future is riding on it.
And, America’s future is riding on it. Because
who and what will come next? Who next will be deemed
unworthy of “equal protection under the law?”
What other erosion of the separation of church and state
might surface?
· State Civil Unions are not, and would not
be, recognized by the federal government if the FMA passes.
Even if a change is made to allow state Civil
Unions, state Civil Unions do not offer the 1,049 rights
and benefits that the federal government grants to married
couples. The federal government controls
the laws with most social and economic clout.
· The
Mass. Decision says that civil unions do not carry the
immediate cultural significance or touchstone as the word
marriage. If you tell people you have a civil union
document, they don’t know exactly what this means,
what it provides for. If you say, “we are
married” everyone understands.
Legal Documents
· Even the few legal documents which would
make a difference cost lots of money. Why should
GLBT people be the only citizens who must hire lawyers
to receive protections guaranteed for free to every other
American?
·
You cannot – no way, no loophole, not possible –
create a legal document which will pass your estate (house,
money, cars, pension, social security, etc.) to an unmarried
partner without being subject to estate tax – up
to 53%.
· You
also can’t create any legal document (none, zero,
zilch) which will allow spousal insurance, Medicare, Social
Security, or any of the aforementioned rights which come
only with marriage.
·
If, like most Americans, you die without a Will, your
assets will go to your nearest biological family member(s).
You have no legal relationship with your partner.
· Even
if you remember to write a will, it’s typical in
same-sex relationships for the deceased member’s
biological family to challenge property and assets left
to a same-sex partner.
· Finally,
the “asset” GLBT parents fear losing most
is our children. No legal document can be created
which will currently protect our children against custody
battles from heterosexual, biological parents. No
legal document will protect our children from the economic
and social consequences of our lack of legal status.
And, no legal document is guaranteed to provide the non-adoptive
or non-biological parent in our relationships visitation
rights in the event of the dissolution of our relationships.
If the Federal Marriage Amendment passes, there will only
be more custody cases because we will be seen in the eyes
of the law as unequal and less than under the law,
Can’t
You Already Get Married in Vermont, Hawaii, San Francisco
and Massachusetts? How about Canada?
· Yes-and No. Only Massachusetts allows same-sex
couples to get married—and the couple has to be
resident in Massachusetts. No out-of-state couples are
given licenses to marry. This is currently being challenged
in Massachusetts courts. Vermont allows same-sex couples
to enter into “civil unions,” which grant
the same state benefits and responsibilities as marriage,
but cannot confer the 1,049 federal benefits and responsibilities.
Additionally, no other state—as of today—
recognizes the civil unions performed in Vermont or the
marriages performed in Massachusetts, so if you move from
either state, the rights given you under your civil union
or marriage there are not portable to a different state.
· Same-sex couples can legally marry in Ontario
and British Columbia, Canada. Probably in the near
future, you will be able to legally marry anywhere in
Canada. However, currently your marriage will
not be recognized in the U.S. There are attempts
by many states (including S.C.) to write into their state
constitutions that they will not honor same-sex marriages
in any other countries, or any other states. This
violates the “full faith and credit” clause
of the U.S. Constitution discussed earlier.
· The Netherlands and Belgium have ended marriage
discrimination against same-sex couples. Taiwan
is considering legalizing same-sex marriage, and Brazil
allows same-sex couples to inherit each other’s
pension and Social Security benefits. Worldwide,
14 countries, including South Africa, Israel and Britain,
protect same-sex couples for the purposes of immigration.
Some
Responses to Arguments Made Against Same-Sex Marriage
It’s About Procreation
- the sterile and elderly aren’t prohibited
from marriage. Ask John Kerry, George Washington,
Bob and Liddy Dole and millions of others.
- a miniscule percentage of people in the United
States enjoy healthy sexual relationship solely for purposes
of procreation
- there have been GLBT people for all of recorded
time. It would seem then, that we are a part of
God’s plan.
- marriage is about two people who love one another
having the right to commit to one another, raise a family
and have that union and family recognized as equal under
the law.
- there are 1-6 million children being raised by
GLBT Americans. Who cares how they got here, they
deserve equal rights as America’s children.
Love
the Sinner but Hate the Sin
- Be very suspect of anyone who says this to you.
Your sexual orientation is a part of who you are and defines
important things such as who you fall in love with.
How can anyone say, “I love you but I hate the part
of you who falls in love?” Doesn’t make
much sense. It’s usually a candy-coating
for self-righteous judgment and prejudice.
- Many, many religious denominations and religious
people don’t see GLBT sexual orientation as a sin
and perform same-sex unions: Reconstruction and
Reform Judaism, Unitarians, and many United Church of
Christ, MCC, Episcopal U.S.A. and Quaker.
Lutherans, Methodists and Presbyterians are examining
their official positions in meetings this year and there
is much support for our inclusion.
- There are 209 admonitions against greed
in the Bible and 7 possible ones about same-sex behaviors
(not about sexual orientation); when the religious
right start paying 30 times more attention to greed, GLBT
people may believe that biblical literalists are sincere.
- When Biblical literalists, spend as much
time condemning divorcees and adulterers, then maybe GLBT
will take their professions of commitment to literal interpretations
of faith seriously. When Biblical literalist don’t
eat shell fish, do support selling their daughters and
owning slaves, don’t touch pig skin, don’t
wear different fibers together, kill their children when
they’re disrespectful (all biblical mandates) –
then, maybe, we’ll believe they come from a purer
place.
- “Love the Sinner but Hate the Sin?”
… mostly an orthodox Christian comment. Better yet,
skip the judgment and do what Christ instructed, “Judge
not lest ye be judged” and “Love one another”
… very clear messages to the self-righteous.
Religion Can Transform Sexual Orientation
Every
major national health organization has condemned “reparative”
therapy including:
American Academy of Pediatrics
American Federation of Teachers
American Medical Association
American Psychiatric Association
American Psychological Association
The Interfaith Alliance
National Association of School Psychologists
National Association of Social Workers
National Association of Secondary School Principals
National Education Association
Exodus
Ministries was founded by two men who were struggling
with their homosexuality. They were each married
with children and struggled for years against their God-given
need to be in relationship with someone of their own sex.
After years of tortured living, and creating much self-loathing
in other same-sex people through Exodus Ministries, they
claimed their right to be authentically who they were,
and took responsibility for the damage they had created
in their marriages, and in their work.
A look at Wayne Beson’s book on the Ex-gay ministries
is filled with this same story … because, sexual
orientation isn’t transformable. Sexual orientation
is part of creation and immutable for the vast majority
of GLBT people. And, IF it were a choice, aren’t
Americans guaranteed the right to choose under the law?
You
can find links related to religion and
sexual orientation on the links
and resources page
Just Don’t
Talk About It … why do you need to TALK about it?
We
have to talk about it because …
- It isn’t about sex! It’s
about who we love … and who we love is central to
all lives, straight and gay. Ask straight coworkers
to imagine not being able to have pictures of family on
their desks. Or, challenge a heterosexually married
friend NOT to – by word or behavior – make
it known that he/she is married for a week. Improbable
that they could do it, and they certainly wouldn’t
like it! And yet, that’s what
“just don’t talk about it means.”
- Our love is not dirty, taboo or shameful.
We don’t want to talk about sex! We want to
talk about our weekends and not change pronouns; we want
to share our happiest and saddest moments. We want
to be authentic.
- Currently, it’s “easier” on
most straight people, if we “pass as straight”
and just don’t talk about “it.”
That’s very similar to the way most white people
felt when African Americans started speaking up about
inequality. The objective isn’t comfort; the
objective is much deeper and more important.
- We have to get from “We tolerate you”
to “We are you.” The only way to do that is
through talking about it. Otherwise, the myths and
stereotypes will represent our lives and we will never
be seen for who we are … people as dull and exquisite
as straight people.
Should We
Compare Our Struggle With The Civil Rights Struggle of
African Americans?
There are similarities and huge differences. The
African American struggle for civil rights was accompanied
by mammoth hardships with which no other contemporary
struggle for equal rights should ever be compared.
GLBT people would be ill-advised to represent our struggle
as of the same magnitude.
Nevertheless, there are similarities between the two movements
in terms of the Constitutional laws being challenged,
and in terms of the nature of the opposition. When
President Bush said that he didn’t like what he
was seeing in San Francisco with people “violating
the law” by getting married – well –
RIGHT! Lots of white people didn’t like seeing
Rosa Parks at the front of a bus, or the Greensboro Five
at a lunch counter either.
"Recognizing the right of an individual to marry
a person of the same sex," Chief Justice Marshall
of the Mass. Supreme Court asserted in her majority opinion,
"will not diminish the validity or dignity of opposite-sex
marriage, any more than recognizing the right of an individual
to marry a person of a different race devalues the marriage
of a person who marries someone of her own race."
- A few of the many differences between the two
movements include: the systematic enslavement
of African Americans – first literally, and then
the economic and cultural enslavement of the Jim Crow
years, up to the institutional racism and cultural travesties
of today. GLBT people have never had to experience
derision on such a scale.
- A difference experienced by GLBT people is isolation.
Very often, there is no family, school, peer or church
support for GLBT people. And, GLBT parents too often
deal with the possibility of losing their children in
biased custody cases.
Thankfully, many respected African American leaders have
had the courage to speak up on our behalf. Everyone
from S.C. Representatives Gilda Cobb Hunter and David
Mack to South Carolina’s U.S. House Representative
James Clyburn as well as the following: Coretta
Scott King, Carol Moseley Braun, Al Sharpton, John Lewis,
Henry Louis Gates, Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Peter Gomes.
Representative John
Lewis said:
“This discrimination is wrong. We cannot
keep turning our backs on gay and lesbian Americans.
I have fought too hard and too long against discrimination
based on race and color not to stand up against discrimination
based on sexual orientation. I’ve heard the
reasons for opposing civil marriage for same-sex couples.
Cut through the distractions, and they stink of the same
fear, hatred and intolerance I have known in racism and
bigotry.”
He also said, “Some say they are uncomfortable with
the thought of gays and lesbians marrying. But our
rights as Americans do not depend on the approval of others.
Our rights depend on us being Americans.
Check
out our links and resources
page for information, various points of view and to find
out what's going on in your state.
back
to top
